I can't even begin to explain what it has been like since that fateful night when my entire world blew up. I still feel like I am in some kind of horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that my children know the truth and will always be my children & love me no matter how long it takes until we can be together again. That knowledge and the hope that somehow the horrible wrongs that have been done to our family, especially Djinn, will be noticed for what they are and somehow, something can be done to make some of it right. I know in my heart that our family will be reunited eventually, no matter how long it takes. It felt so good when my oldest daughter turned 18 and told the state that she was moving home with me. The time I have had with her has been so healing for both of us. I still can't go even one day without thinking about my son and feeling like my hands are tied. The worst feeling in the world is to know your child is hurting and needs your help and to not be able to do anything to help them. Since Kat has been home, we have had some really wonderful conversations that have really started to make me feel like I'm starting to heal a little bit. I talk to my other daughter, Kyla, on a regular basis & couldn't feel more proud of anything! She has been behind me all of the I know that our family will never truly be able to heal until we can do it as a family. She is in a very good foster home, which is a God send. It is the same foster home that her & Kat were in from the beginning. I truly don't know what I would have done if I did not know that they were at least in a good place. I know that I made some bad decisions in the past & it is very hard not to dwell on the things I can't change and not to torture and blame myself for everything that has gone wrong. I have gone through some extremely hard times and gotten deeply depressed at times. Somehow, I always found the strength to keep on trying & not give up. The only way I have been able to do this is by thinking about my kids, how much I love them and how I can never give up on them. It is so very hard to talk about any of the horrible events that have happened in the past 5 years, especially when it comes to my son. I have always been a very proud person, of myself and my 3 children. All of the events and misconceptions surrounding the events have actually made me have a hard time thinking of myself in a good way and keeping a positive outlook. This has been made even harder since he was moved from Cornell Abraxas in August because I have been, once again, denied any contact with him. I have done everything I know how to attempt to be allowed any kind of contact and been denied repeatedly. I know that he wants contact with me. His sister talks to him & gives me updates on how he is doing. He is almost 16 now and should be allowed to at least write to his mom! I know in my heart that, for the most part, I was an extremely good mother to my children and provided them with a good life over-all. No matter how much bad is said about myself, my parenting or my children; I will never let it over take me completely because MY CHILDREN & I KNOW THE REAL TRUTH! There are some truly disturbing lies out there about me. I would just like to ask you to please try to get FACTS before you judge. Please also understand that I have been doing everything in my power to try to rectify any of this mess. Even though I have been beaten down at every turn, I continue to fight & WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON ANY OF MY CHILDREN!!! Finally, I would like to truly thank Stephen Sydebotham, from the bottom of my heart, for seeing the horrible injustice that has been done & continues to be done to our family, and for DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! I would also like to thank each and every person who is reading this, who has signed the petition and who does anything to speak out against this injustice. Thank you and GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!
Sincerely - Rainbow Buckingham